Another Letter To Stan in Cape Town

My Dear Stanley,

This may come as quite a surprise for you as I have not seen or written to you in over 30 years. Mind you, I have tried to make contact several times through Mr Wyer junior in Cape Town but then I heard through Roger Graham that he'd met with a nasty accident.

Sarves Somana gave me your box number, so here we are again in contact. I do love that, don't you? I do remember you saying often “Where's babbling Brooke?” and I used to get upset a bit but then after several years it didn't matter at all. As you may know, my husband passed away almost 30 years ago, he died of a tumor in his left earlobe which was malignant for some 12 months. He was such a fine gentleman and I did love him dearly.

Since then I've often thought of you, and between you and me I often dream about you and me getting into the haystack together just to talk about old times. We did have such a wonderful time in Romatex with all the goings-on, it was almost like the theatre. Those magic moments will always be in my memory.

This is really hard of me to ask you but would it be possible for me to come and stay with you over a long weekend in early January next year? I guarantee I would not be a nuisance and I will keep out of your way. And if you want me to I will pose for you either as portrait painting or I can strip off to do a full nude. I really don't mind. I recall you did not like my makeup and I've heard your comments once or twice “Did she put her makeup on with a trowel?” That was a bit unkind but again, I got over that also.

Another thing I remember so well is watching you trim your beard when you thought nobody was looking, you had that small mirror balanced in your left hand and stood with your back to the door but we could see you through the other door leading out to the corridor. 'We' being Pete Smith and myself. Isn't it crazy the memories one keeps?

I do really hope you will put me up over sometime in January as we have so much to talk about and you can show me around Hout Bay. Do you mind?

Your ever attentive secretary, Edna.

Response From Stan To Phil on "How To Attain Stan's Longevity!"

My Dear Phil,

I am pleased you asked Jon about my longevity from an "Old Man of Hout Bay Harbour" as I am now known. The missive was difficult to decipher having been singed by what appeared to be an old clay pipe. It was a script of a conversation obviously written by a very competent Rocky playwright, between Jon and yourself, regarding the tenuous business of hanging on to existence itself. Whilst other humanoid creatures of similar vintage are so busy excitedly pushing up daisies!

I am truly flattered that you have expressed so much interest in my longevity. As Jon so rightly points out, the close proximity of Hout Bay water is the basic secret. You see, all the nutrients of the nearby Mandela Park drain into Hout Bay. As you well know, Mandela is only 2 years younger than I and he is still very fit.

One important correction; I face West when sitting on my prayer mat. It is important to have the Cape Doctor whistling around your testicles from the rear. Don't listen to you Unlce Graham too much, the intake of sticky pudding can only lead to a sticky end.

Charles Atlas has always been my role model especially when bulging in his gym slip and threatening folk who kick sand into other peoples' faces. He recommends a brisk lie-down after strenuous exercise.

This exercise, which must be carried out in the kitchen; three hundred steps tippy toes or fifteen laps. Thirty deep breaths in, hands above head, on tip toes (don't forget to breathe out). Then ten squats ie., leap to the floor, knees bent, rise slowly arms outstretched, fingers outstretched. Hands clasped in the small of the back, bend head backwards until you can see the holes in your socks, then rotate head slowly, first to the left then right. These exercises should be carried out every morning and on Sundays before church.

Yes Phil, oats are very important - you might say the very backbone of longevity. They must be of the wild variety. Refined oats will not do as they clog some of your heavy organs. If you can obtain the oats sown by wild men and cooked gently, you will be on your way to a happy 90 plus, providing you have never smoked or imbibed the filthy liquor!

Of course you will need a creative hobby to stimulate the old gray matter. Now as you were in the building trade for a brief spell, it might be a good idea to start with dolls houses. Jon could make the dollies to fit in your model houses.

It's important to keep the mind active. I know Jon has his own ideas on longevity like patent medicine and counting marbles into old jam jars - or analyzing the rites of the various religious movements and anticipating his chances of avoiding a meeting with Uncle Dad at the Pearly Gates.

Well Phil, if there is any other advice you need like sex in the nineties, please let me know. Please tell Susie that I am saving for her new shoes but in the meantime to stuff the two halves of this envelope into any holes she has. I know she cannot use Jon's socks because I am wearing them. One final note; try to resist the urge to climb all the trees in Denver!

From your old friend Stan
September 2009

Isn't it about time education had a makeover?

Do you recall sitting at your school desk that had been used by countless kids before you? You can see names scratched on the surface going back 50 years or so, heart shaped ink blots, dribble stains of yesteryear. Then you feel the pain of trying to absorb the meaningless data, the blackboard filled with hieroglyphics that only professors could read or understand.

Most of you were slouched over the desk as the teacher droned on endlessly, your thoughts darting elsewhere. Looking around the classroom you see a few of your buddies with their eyes closed, some doodling on their scrapbooks, others in a deep trance. Is this all about education you ask yourself? You begin to think it is so much more fun playing football so why is learning so very boring when you see absolutely no need to learn all about the vivisection of frogs legs, you think "When will I ever use this knowledge? Besides, I can find all this in an instant on my iPod if I need it."

We all seem to lack basic knowledge, and worse, basic answers to common questions so essential to everyday life. We are caught in a stimulus-response culture with no real thought of creativity until we wake up to how stagnant and uncreative the education system we have blindly followed for decades. It is high time the education system woke up to NCLB (no child left behind) which has to be changed or scrapped before closing the so-called "under performing" schools.

Learning by rote is out, consulting the students' understanding is in if teachers desire educated kids!

All schools, public or private, have to be totally restructured and we start with teacher recruitment. How are they recruited, retained and paid? Discrimination is alive and well, not everyone has a right to teach or even to basic education which is hard to believe, so please check it out, you will be astounded.

The following is vital for future generations; more bucks for innovation, for new ideas, real accountability with proven results, diversity of curricula and to encourage passion, drive and enthusiasm - teachers must have a love of future generations.

We talk about education costs and if we cut back any further the end result will be devastating, the US becoming a third-world country? Ha! Wait and see if nothing is done very soon as we all become robotic, and more like sheep!

Have a look at the current education stats, one in every four child leaving school is illiterate. And it will get worse, a lot worse. Man's greatest disease is ignorance followed by laziness and both of these are basic attitudes like wearing a coat - you can either leave it on or take it off, the choice is always yours.

Copyright 2009 http://www.familyfuncartoons.com/

To my dear old friend Stan who lives in Cape Town whom I've known for 50 years.

Dear Old Timer

My brother Phil has asked me millions of times “How come Stan has lived for 97 years and seven months?” He goes on “Most of his peers pegged it at the end of the 19th Century!” My answers to his questions are always pretty much the same “He gets up at 5.30 am, drinks 5.7 litres of Hout Bay water (unfiltered) before anything else...sits down for 15 minutes and does gentle meditation on his prayer mat – facing east.”

And so we continue our conversation:

Jon “he then puts on his gym slip and raises his arms above his head and clasps his hands together in the Charles Atlas method of tension against tension. This is continued until his deltoids become much larger...he then proceeds down his body with this tension method to his toes. He then goes back to bed for an hour and rests. As he is already in his gym slip he goes for a very gentle walk to Hout Bay, about 100 yards, and chats to the local fishermen.”

Phil “Is that all, nothing more severe than that?”

Jon “No, no, there's a lot more to it than that.” I continue “The Hout Bay water and the walk stimulates his bowels and so he ablooots on arrival back home and cleans out all his intestines and colon...there is absolutely no crap left”

Phil: “Yes, I heard of that where cleansing the inside makes you feel wonderful especially after all the junk food we eat. I do recall our Uncle Graham eating almost every night what he used to call “sticky pudding” which consisted of sugar, saturated fats, mega doses of lard and other unmentionable stuff closely related to plastic. It must have surely glued his colon to his appendix!” “Remember the post-mortem guy saying he had solid waste akin to mortar in his colon weighing no less than 40 kg's! Amazing!”

Jon: “Yeah, I remember, he was a bit of an asshole though and quite insensitive saying that nasty stuff about Graham – he should have been a bit more subtle.”

Phil: “getting back to Stan, what did he usually eat which may have given him this longevity?”

Jon: “Gosh, I am not sure but I know he eats raw oats for breakfast will large dollops of honey, a bit of toast and downs the lot with coffee. Sometimes he does cook the oats but only when he has an spike in his energy levels. So it is basically doing a little exercise, sleeping about 12 hours a day and eating horse feed. The latter is probable one of the major contributors to longevity.

Phil: “Jeeeez, I could not do that, especially the horse feed!”

Jon: “There's another thing that is quite important. Stan is very much involved mentally with creating things like his model airplanes, he loves Sopwith models, the old De Havilland models and especially the German Messerschmidts – model 401K – a two seater fighter powered by Rolls Royce Merlin engines. He used to joke say the British supplied the Germans with these engines to level the playing fields. Look Phil, I don't know if these ever flew or if they are just hanging above his bed as decorative ornaments BUT, it keeps the mind active which is important. “

Phil: “Well, I will certainly try some of his methods but it is great he has lived 97 years and still looks in his fifties, it is quite amazing.”

How To Begin Your Essential Drawing Skills

How to Begin Your Essentail Drawing Skills

from wikiHow - The How to Manual That You Can Edit

These are the fundamentals of drawing from step one through to several intermediate steps, where drawing skills can be developed to master the art of drawing. Without knowing these basics, a drawing will lack rhythm and style.

Steps

1. Some of these initial steps may appear to you far too basic, but try them anyway because it may lead you to discover other aspects you can use whilst developing your drawing skills.
   
2. You've probably heard many times “I can't even draw a straight line” and a straight line is rather mechanical so use a ruler if you want straight lines. The important thing about lines in a drawing is direction as all lines go in specific directions—or multiple directions--to give character to a drawing.
   
3. All paintings have form, value (light to dark), tone and color. If you strip all these away you are left with an outline of the forms with lines surrounding colors and values. So now you are left with a two-dimensional outline drawing. You can look at these as “boundary marks” which run in all directions. Some of them will be fairly straight and others curved.
   
4. Accuracy is less important than a sense of direction and that means varying distance and space between your lines especially angular forms. Without these in place your drawing will lack rhythm and structure.
   
5. Another important point about lines is they must have sensitivity which is the thickness or thinness in which your lines are drawn. Putting more pencil pressure on your paper gives a thicker or thinner line, a lighter or darker line. You will find in most beginners a lack of this sensitivity.
   
6. To start your line drawings, draw many lines flowing in all directions on your paper. Your lines should go from very light which you will obtain by pressing very lightly, to the darkest line where your pressure is very heavy—not too heavy that it breaks the lead. For these effects use a medium pencil, not too hard (HB) or too soft (4B) but something in between. Always, always keep you pencils sharp for crisp, clean lines.
   
7. Let's start off by putting together items you have around the house that are straight. A mug, a broomstick, a few books. Lean the broomstick against the table or bookcase so you have a few angles to play with. Get your angles correct by comparing one angle to the next.
   
8. Look for the negative shapes, that is not the actual shape of the object itself but the shapes between the objects. By comparing these, you will discover your drawing will be quite accurate. Follow along on WikiHow for how to develop more basic drawing skills.
   

Article provided by wikiHow, a wiki how-to manual. Please edit this article and find author credits at the original wikiHow article on How to Begin Your Essentail Drawing Skills. All content on wikiHow can be shared under a Creative Commons license.

Achieve a Masterful Drawing - wikiHow

Achieve a Masterful Drawing - wikiHow

How to Achieve a Masterful Drawing

from wikiHow - The How to Manual That You Can Edit

Some basic rules for creating masterful drawings whilst giving you freedom of expression.

Steps

1. There is no right way to draw, the only way is what suits your needs and what your main objective is. You have many choices which gives you freedom of expression.
   
2. Basically there are only three approaches to a masterful drawing;
   
3. Rudimentary – from specific detailed drawing to general outlines such as contour drawings;
   
4. Academic drawing as seen in the Old Masters where you find detailed drawings of human anatomy and;
   
5. A combination of these first two methods.
   
6. Students must be aware of the value of visual aids: using a plumb line, a framing rectangle with marks to indicate the center and other proportions, and a sighting rod like a pencil to measure. There are many other devices used over the centuries by the old masters to obtain accurate drawings.
   
7. One has to be intimate with how to see things as they are - not what you might think is there which is a common mistake by the beginning student. We tend to scan things from left to right (and right to left in the Muslim world) and our eyes only pause or rest on focal points. When looking at a web pages the eye always tends to look at the pictures on the page first, then the text. This is useful data to know to guide your visitors eyes across your web page. The old masters use this technique with great skill to guide the viewer into and around the painting.
   
8. Ultimately drawing cannot be separated from painting or design – they are an integral part of the overall effect. Talent is a little old fashioned in developing drawing skills. The masters developed their skills from day one by looking closely at the human form and observing how one form interlocks with the overall form.
   
9. The real professionals warm up by quick gesture drawings, 15 – 30 seconds, which is basically scribbling outlines. Rembrandt was probably one of the best for obtaining spontaneity in these quick sketches which somehow came alive under his quill.
   
10. A student can gain confidence by starting with simple gesture drawings by looking at the overall forms and applying unrestrained lines to create a masterpiece. You draw what you feel and see and combine the two for an emotional effect. There should be no effort whatsoever and it has to be a lot of fun--if it's not, your drawing will show it.
    
11. An important part of gesture drawing is to fit it into the picture plane – like a frame or to the outside edges of your paper. Draw a quick rectangular shape and keep the gesture sketch within that frame.
    
12. You see things in three-dimensional form and draw it in two dimensions. Your task would be to make your drawing more towards three dimensions so it has weight and form—it can feel light in some areas and heavy in others whilst the form is projected into deep space. Once you can achieve that you are becoming a master. An easy way of doing this is to get a ball of yarn and wrap it around a friend's torso, leg or arm and observe how the lines of yarn recede into space. Make your pencil lines follow the same contours as the yarn.
    
13. This will give you a basic idea of how the figure is constructed without knowing complex anatomy.
    

Article provided by wikiHow, a wiki how-to manual. Please edit this article and find author credits at the original wikiHow article on How to Achieve a Masterful Drawing. All content on wikiHow can be shared under a Creative Commons license.

Kids Activities Can Blend With The Magic of Family Fun

Kids Activities Can fit in with family life.

It has often been said that kids are the most creative creatures on Planet Earth. Well, they may well be – but they can also be the biggest pain up the butt!

And the pain can start from day one, ask any mother. After all the hoopla is over and the praises are sung, then comes the really hard work for Mom. Diapers changed every hour and maybe two hours if she is lucky. Then there comes the wake-up call which starts around midnight and continues intermittently till dawn. Dad sleeps in the other bedroom "Because I have an important meeting tomorrow and I have to be awake for some hours and coffee doesn't cut it." So bleary-eyed Mom has to get the other kids off to school, make sure their lunch is packed and their hair looks reasonable but would not pass any lower grade kids inspection.

You are feeling yuk because you've had no sleep for the past 48 hours, you have to keep the house clean so there's that chore to do. Then comes the march to the store to pick up provisions for the next few days. You've got no help at all and if the older kids who are around 7, 9 and 11 they should muscle-in and do their bit to take the load off your shoulders. Hey, but do they? You've asked them millions of times to do this or that and they just yawn as if tomorrow is another day. Life really sucks sometimes and nobody seems to care. What to do with the kids? Well, switch on the TV or let them watch a movie as you have about 250 DVD's collected over the past few years (and some are pirated, but who cares?) as long as it can keep the kids occupied while you take a break.

Your new baby Jena starts to cry and you wonder if its hunger, sleep or a poop change. Yeah, it smells like it and you changed the mite's bum only half an hour ago. You shrug and think you might be able to get away with it for just another half hour. You then toss that thought right out of your mind, other mothers would not do it so why should you?

The other three kids now come home from school and they are hungry. Their first trip is to the fridge where there's lots of yummy stuff to snack on – especially the sugary eats. It gives them a 'high' and so the fun begins. They start fighting as two of them gang up on the younger one. There's a helluva racket going on and Baby Jena starts to ball to increase the decibel count to around 250. Your head is beginning to pound and you need a little space from all the noise and activity.

You calm the three kids down by threatening them with extinction but immediately soften with "Go and watch one of your favorite movies." All three yell with delight. But soon a squabble begins as they can not decide on what movie to watch.

You are tired, you have a headache, the TV is blaring and baby Jena starts to howl, she's hungry and Mom is a bit dry for breast feeding and Jena hates off-the-shelf stuff. Wouldn't you?

Don't make a rod for your own back. In other words, don't do something that is likely to cause problems for you in the future. Give the kids something to do that they have a passion for. There are countless activities for kids of all ages you can find on the internet. Kids crafts and science projects are one of the most well-loved from among the common selection of kids activities. Do a search and keep your kids active and your pounding headache will vanish. Go Here for Family Fun: http://tinyurl.com/l7lt6t

Vampires Can Be More Than a Laughing Matter

Here is a tongue-in-cheek article I have written recently for Ezine Articles. Please add your comments about it.

"If it is dark, don't go outside unless you see lots of lights. If it is windy these blood sucking creatures love to glide through the wind; this also helps them gather speed where they can float up out of sight above the lights.

You know a lot of these vampires take on human form as well as more grotesque shapes to really scare the pants off you. I live up in the mountains where it is pitch black at night and I would not venture one foot outside the house. I've often heard a "swooshing" sound and that aint bird noises - more like "vampires of the night."

It has often be said that vampires live amongst us and we don't even know they are sitting right next to us. Apparently if they are close by, they drain all your energy and you begin to feel lifeless. This is a danger sign so move out of their space before you have no space at all.

What can they do to you? Ha! I am glad you asked. Beside the usual Dracula stuff of sucking blood with their sharp fangs, they will 'attach' part of themselves to your body and you won't feel a thing except you 'feel' you are being controlled by them. You won't see them around you but you will be doing horrible things to upset those folk around you - and you know what? You will be asking yourself "Why did I do that?" It won't make sense to you and meantime, Grandma is bawling her eyes out and Grandpa is looking sternly at you.

When these horrible creatures attach part of themselves to you, they can control most of your thoughts and therefore your actions. Haven't you ever wondered why you did certain things which were totally alien to you? That chatter, that incessant chatter that goes on in your mind all day and sometimes drives you wild--you think it is you, it aint. It's that 'orrible creature trying to take control of your life.

Don't believe it? Ha! You know a bit of truth when your see it, even your dog knows the truth when he barks and there is nothing there, he can sense this vampire creatures' vibrations.

You know that Michael Jackson died recently at a very young age of 50, he was possessed by not one vampire but many vampires. Have a look what he did to himself and others' around him. Sure, he had talent, and great talent that was too, few entertainers ever came near to his ability on stage. You can say it was really magic stuff. His life in later years was totally possessed by these evil creatures and I guess he often asked himself "Why did I do that?" (like hanging his baby over the balcony)

Vampires do aim for high profile people, the famous, the infamous, the baddies (as they are easy meat) and also those high on drugs or alcohol. Inevitably drug addicts have a short life span, also to a slightly lesser extent, alcoholics. Perhaps you do not believe this? Well, have a look at the statistics and you will discover there is some truth in this.

Okay, so how does one get rid of these unloved vampire creatures especially if you know you have one or two attached? As you may not know, everything in this physical universe has a certain vibration, you do, your dog does, your koi fish do -and guess what? Even your house. Take a look, or should I say 'feel' ?

Ever been at a party and some new person walks in and you think "gosh, I don't like him!" Know why? His vibrations, and also the space around him. He collapses people's space nearby. You know what I mean by that? Some people have NO space at all and they go right up to you, one inch from your nose and you begin to feel uncomfortable - they are collapsing your space, intentionally. They are controlled by one or more vampires.

So how do we start? The first thing you should do (gradually please) is gain the ability to hold your space. Pretend you are in a large invisible box and it has eight corners, you are in the middle of this box with several feet all around you. With this box all around you, you 'hold' all the eight corners including those behind you. Whilst you are doing this concentrate only on the eight corners. Those thoughts that come into your mind will eventually cease - but only after a little practice. Vampires do not like this at all…they like less space, not more. Try it, and get rid of those darn vampires!

Visit http://www.familyfuncartoons.com for my kid-friendly site - and more humor.

Being a Family Guy is The Toughest Job in the World

Being a Family Guy is The Toughest Job in the World

A friend of mine has the toughest job in the world. We're in the same business and even work for the same company, but he has what I regard as the most difficult and demanding job. You see, in addition to working here with me, my friend Jim is a real family guy.

I don't just mean some fellow with a wife and kids. Lots of guys have those. I mean my friend Jim's purpose in life seems to be to ensure the welfare and happiness of his family. By my standards his family is huge. He has a wife, four kids--two in elementary school and two in high school, a mother-in-law, his own mother, two sisters, and two brother-in laws. Long ago I lost count of his nieces and nephews. On my desk I have a Rolodex with the names of my business contacts. Jim could fill his own Rolodex with just the names and birthdays of his family.

Over the years there have been occasions when I've accompanied Jim after work. Even a simple trip home usually means at least one stop at the grocery store and more often than not a stop at the high school to pick up a teenager who stayed late for sports practice. It's not just Jim's constant movement, constantly being on-the-job and looking out for others, that astonishes me. It's also the amazing feat of memory. How does he keep track of so many people?

Jim's care and affection doesn't stop with just his immediate family. Once he was worried that his mother-in-law might be getting depressed after a surgery so he moved her across several states to put her up in a spare bedroom in his house. He also plowed up, destroyed, a patch of his beautifully tended back lawn because he knew his mother loved to garden. Once his brother-in-law was in danger of losing his apartment. Jim took time off from work to go and have a discussion with the landlord. And it seems the spare room at his house always contains an uncle or aunt on an extended visit.

I've often wondered how Jim always seems to remain in a good mood. That's not to say he doesn't get sad or angry. Once I saw him arrive at work with sort of a dazed expression. In his right hand he held what looked like a lock of blonde hair. It seems his youngest discovered scissors. That was three years ago and the lock is still bound together on his desk at work. And just this morning I overheard him having a telephone conversation with his sixteen-year-old son. His voice was patient, deliberate, and final. When he got off the phone he looked over at me and said, "I love that boy. He's silly and misdirected. He's still got a lot to learn. But I love that boy." I wanted to ask him what the kid did, but I'll probably find out later. See, tonight is Jim's wedding anniversary, and Jim asked if I'd come to his place and spend time with his kids while he takes his wife to a restaurant.

I don't know how this guy with the toughest job in the world, this family guy, does it. I guess he must love his work.

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