Does your kid call the tune?

Savvy parents know the worst thing to do to a child is smack, scold, whip, plead, punch, intimidate, take their possessions, or invalidate in any way. Why? Any form of control like this results in long-term emotional conflicts and worse, the kid becomes alienated from her/his parents.

If your kid is given a prize for a job well done, this signifies they are loved by their parents only when they perform exceptionally well.

So what do you do when your child flies into a rage, throws his toys out the cot and screams incessantly?

Would a nice calm voice do the trick? I don't think so. What about letting him continue with his antics until he knows he is not producing an effect any more? He is being "cause" as he is creating an effect on his parents, right? So perhaps ignoring it altogether might work?

How many times have you heard "Say please!" from parents or "Try being nicer to your brother" or "You will learn discipline!"

Is this robotic approach workable? So what would be the solution for extremely bad behavior like this in a child?

Any thoughts on this will be welcome.

Family Fun and Games

The day is not always family fun with everyone agreeing with everyone else. Some days are stressful with Dad having enormous pressure at work, he has to get the job done no matter what. The kids are also stressed out with their schooling, they have to get their projects done on time or else there is a black mark on their record. Mom is at sixes and sevens because she has to do a balancing act with the the schools' schedule, then there is a ballet lesson for the youngest tike. In between there is shopping to do and a meeting with the book club.

The only animal not stressed on this particular day is Kiva, the dog. All he wants is a little food, maybe a few bones thrown in and time to do a little sniffing. Kiva knows when there is stress in the household, nobody is smiling or singing, there is no laughter, no playful scene with the kids or joking around. Just a rush. Now Kiva likes this in a way because the kids gulp down their breakfast and usually drop a few crumbs on the floor, then he can sniff and enjoy a tiny morsel before they all rush out the door.

Mom gets her schedule completed, picks up her daughter, manages to get most of the shopping done and the book club meet goes smoothly. She's now more relaxed and can have that latte she has been thinking about since breakfast.

The kids arrive back from their respective schools and seem very chirpy and very noisy with the intention to tell the rest of the family how their day went and the success they had with their projects. Two of them have to do their homework which they detest, they complain to mom and dad often about how boring it is and it does not seem worthwhile learning some of this stuff because they will never use it in their lives. Who wants to learn all about the anatomy of a frogs back leg? “When will I ever use that knowledge?” Dad chirps in “You might need it if you go into the medical profession.”

Homework is now completed and the fun begins. As the kids are now relaxed teasing the younger ones begins. There is raucous laughter which provokes more teasing. Then mom pipes up “Stop that will you?” and the noise abates but only slightly. Then it creeps up to it original decibel and mom ignores it as she is busy in the kitchen.

Dad is more relaxed now as the day is over as he starts playing with the kids. They enjoy dad's playfulness especially the rough on-the-floor wrestling. You might call it physical bonding. Supper is served and the entire family is relaxed, there is lovely idle chatter with a little bantering thrown in. Mom is very happy as she knows her family is relaxed and well.

Just wait until tomorrow morning when the alarm goes off!

Your Typical Family Guy

Joe is a great guy at heart, he has a lovely family of four, two teenagers (boys) and one boy of eight and a darling daughter of six.

He works hard during the week and sometimes on Saturdays. He is the manager of a large grocery store and is on his feet the whole day from 7.00 am to 7.00 pm. When he arrives home he is nearly always tired but the sight and greetings from his kids gives him renewed energy. And of course his wife throws her arms around him with a passionate kiss. That makes his day.

Joe thinks often when he's working at the store “What would life be like without my wife and kids?” and he then dismisses the thought immediately. He hates Monday mornings because his 'stand-in' manager has been running the store almost totally “by the book” or by the store's policy. And that means there are lots of employee problems to sort out – and that eats up half the day. This occurs as regular as clockwork.

Then along comes Friday and Joe is as happy as can be. He is going to spend lots of time with his wife and kids. His eldest son Mark loves playing online games and can sit their for hours non-stop. Of course his younger brother complains he never gets a turn as there is only one computer. Joe knows about this and wonders if he should put time limits on Mark to give the rest of the family a turn.

Then Joe thinks it would be better if he purchased another computer because they will need it for Lance as he will be using the school's Apple Mac and will have homework to do on it. Joe knows his budget is stretched and that is why he cuts back on buying a new car, he drives an old clunker which he is not proud of. It spews out oil and is heavy on gas. He is putting money away for his kids college and we all know how much that is going to cost!

It is Friday evening and the kids are excited! They know it is candy night and a movie to watch on TV. They are only allowed to eat candy once a week and watch TV. Dad can sit back and watch the movie with his daughter on his lap. He thinks “Hope I am not going to be too bored with some of this animation stuff.” Sometimes he tells his wife that was a great family movie.

Saturday arrives and Joe can hear his sons playing football in the back yard. He decides he is going to have some fun with them before breakfast. He dons his gear and joins them. After half an hour his wife calls them in for breakfast. They are all famished of course and devour just about everything served up.

On Saturday afternoon Joe loves to watch NFL with his six pack within easy reach. The kids go off and make up their own games. As the NFL games develop, Joe tends to get very excited for his team, he becomes vociferous at the TV as his side drops a point. The game is over and Joe murmurs under his breath that they could have done a lot better and the coach should be fired.

Sunday and they all decide democratically as Joe calls it, to go for a McDonald's and then to the local flea market where there are lots of things for the kids to see and do. The day goes quickly, much too fast for Joe as he starts thinking about Monday morning and that puts his tone down a little as he does not like his job. He'd like to be his own boss.

Someday he knows he will work for himself but he has to study hard, get a degree perhaps and then get on the Internet and promote his real passion in life, something he's always wanted to do! This instantly gives him direction and something he can aim for. He'll chat with his wife and make some decisions of when and how. Good luck Joe, and let's know the sequel to this!